People That Suck

Somewhere out there is an office whose only job is to confirm that you exist, and it does not believe you. You have a birth certificate, a driver's license, a passport, and a face. The office requires one more document, and it is always the one you did not bring.

It begins, as all tragedies do, with a calendar invitation. No agenda. Twelve attendees. A title like "Sync" or "Touch Base" or the truly chilling "Quick Chat," which has never once been quick. You accept, because declining feels like a career event, and you begin the long walk to the conference room.

Every parking lot has one. The lot is packed, cars are circling like sharks, hope is fading — and there it is. One car, parked diagonally, sprawled across two spaces like it just fainted there and nobody had the heart to move it.

Let us consider the possibilities with an open mind. Maybe the driver is protecting a very expensive car. Maybe they just had it detailed. Maybe the car has a medical condition that requires extra room. Or maybe, and hear me out, they parked like a dropped garden hose and simply walked away, whistling, into the grocery store of life.

Creating a password used to take four seconds. Now it is a negotiation. The website wants at least eight characters, then twelve, then a number, then a symbol, then an uppercase letter, then a lowercase letter, then a note from your doctor confirming you are emotionally prepared for this password.

Airplane boarding is a masterpiece of unnecessary chaos. An airline has a plane with numbered seats, assigned to named passengers, and somehow the process of putting those passengers into those seats becomes a contact sport with luggage.

Every customer service call begins with a lie, and the lie is this: "Your call is important to us." If the call were important, a person would answer it. Instead, you get a robot with the warmth of a parking ticket, reading you a menu longer than the one at a diner.

There is a special kind of betrayal that only happens in the snack aisle. You pick up a bag of chips that feels like it could feed a small camping trip. It is puffy. It is substantial. It has the confidence of a bag that means business. Then you open it, and the chips are down there at the bottom like they are hiding from you.

Every package you mail costs real money — unless you shopped at LabelsBank.com, where the price of postage was always about two dollars, regardless of weight, size, or destination. That is because the labels were allegedly counterfeit, and the U.S. Postal Service just put a 100,000 dollar bounty on the head of the man accused of running the whole operation.

The Justice Department's National Fraud Enforcement Division just wrapped a 28-day surge against Social Security fraud, and the case files read like a true-crime podcast. Between August 21 and September 18, 2026, prosecutors across 11 federal districts charged 17 defendants allegedly responsible for more than 1.34 million dollars in intended losses to Social Security's retirement, disability, and Supplemental Security Income programs.

The Federal Communications Commission just did something almost nobody else has managed: it made a robocall carrier hang up. On October 5, 2026, the FCC's Enforcement Bureau ordered every U.S. voice service provider to block traffic from Digital Solutions, Inc., a company the agency says was caught ferrying illegal prerecorded robocalls pitching fraudulent loans and tax relief.